I was at a ladies conference a few weeks ago and I heard one of the ministers say something to the effect of: "We need to take off our masks in order for God to touch us like He wants to, but too many times we don't feel the church is a safe place to do so." I did not quote that correctly, so I won't say the name of the minister who stated it, but I did think how true that is.
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A few years ago, I was in a place where it wasn't safe for me to open up, it wasn't safe for me to take off the mask. It was hard to go to church service after service and not be able to reach out to God like I wanted to, NEEDED to.
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Circumstances had led me to believe that I had to hide from the church, but I didn't want to hide from God. He was my refuge, he was my haven of rest...but I couldn't reach Him at church, because I couldn't let down my mask. I couldn't let anyone see the pain inside, or the heart that needed mending. That situation ended badly, and I have since found myself back in the church that I grew up in.
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That experience has stuck with me, along with the realization that if that's how "God's people" acted, I wanted no part of it.
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Since that time, I have only developed a few friendships that didn't exist before my period of time there. I don't trust like I used to. I don't trust God's people like I used to. I find that I hold myself aloof in the church I attend now, not wanting to open myself up to that pain of rejection again.
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Fast forward to today: I struggle to take off my mask at church. I don't want to cry, I don't want to show emotion because I don't want the attention that it may draw. Why am I posting this? I hope that somewhere, someone may understand that judging those around you, gossip and selfish, harmful behavior do not have a place in the church.
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In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul talks about judging a person in the church that is sinning. The people who scream and say that we are not to judge, period, are wrong. Paul teaches us that if there is something sinful going on in the church and there is no remorse or desire for change, that we are to 'judge' that behavior and 'clean house.' We judge on a daily basis: where to eat, who to hang out with, etc.
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The judgement I'm referring to being wrong is this: we cannot look at a situation, one side of the story and make a judgement call that puts some one's salvation in jeopardy. It's not our place to judge as God would judge. Gossip brings this judgement about quickly. Arrogance and selfishness do as well.
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Why is it so hard to show Christ's love to those in the church? Those people you're judging and gossiping about are your brother and sister in Christ. Those people you're tearing down may need building up to succeed...and you're undermining their efforts.
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The House of God should be a safe haven for all who enter. Not a place where we look at someone and judge their skirt length: that's not your place. That's God's place and God's alone until he moves on their pastor to deal with the issue. Our place is to reach out to someone who may need some guidance and be their friend. Our place is to show Christ's love...not gossip about them.
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My deepest desire is that one day, God and I can take down the wall that I've constructed, the mask that I've worn for too many years, allowing me to openly worship and talk to God in the safe haven of a church congregation...until then...it's my job to help create it.
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3 Comments?:
It saddens me to read this. To know that you attend a church and you feel you cant openly worship or "let your guard down". I know how refreshing is is to worship and adore Jesus openly and with ALL my emotions at the alter each and every time I walk in my church. I am of the apostolic pentecostal faith and I DO and HAVE seen what you are talking aobut in the church through the years, but that is ANY church that you go to. wherever their are people gathered together, theres going to be differences. Granted it would be great to be of "one accord" on everything and every issue, it just will never happen. God made us different for a reason and that most deff. shows in the church! I will pray that you can take ur mask off the way you want to and be open and transparent to God in your church. god bless
Hi Bekki,
I stumbled upon your blog while Googling the phrase, "Dancing in the Rain." I love it! And was touched by your blog.
Have you ever read a book called "Captivating," written by John & Stasi Eldredge. Exactly addresses your last 2 blogs, and more! I loved this book, and think you might too.
Best Wishes!
Tobi Aclaro
Bekki,
I went through a similar situation, wherein I had to make myself pray 30 minutes before going to church just to make myself go. I typically went home after so bothered I would cry and pray for a while. I didn't hang out with them hardly at all. The only thing that I can say is that one day God let me know that His presence was bigger than the issues I had being around them. I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore. I needed more out of church than trying to hide. You do make it through, and God does make it easier. It hurts, though.
God bless
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